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story sketch: without fail [update: 07-27-2011]
This is a sketch of warsailor Brelig's encounter with a deathfin sea monster, from Without Fail, a new Torn World story by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ysabetwordsmith:
cleaned-up sketch:
rough sketch:
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ysabetwordsmith:Brelig swiped his sickle toward the bleeding eyelid again -- and the deathfin grabbed him by that arm, lifting him high above the ship. The sudden shock of pain frayed his concentration. Brelig swung in the air, blood raining everywhere. Then he pulled himself upward to swing the axe into the deathfin's eye.
cleaned-up sketch:
rough sketch:
This picture is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License, and may be freely used under the terms of that license with a link back to mikaspace.net Please see terms of use for details.
Click to sponsor this sketch and support the artist!
Feedback and contributions of any amount are greatly appreciated :)
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If this gets to the next stage...
(Anonymous) 2011-05-14 05:14 pm (UTC)(link)1)Currently, the people on deck aren't tall enough to see over the rails of the ship. I realize that many of the crew aren't "giants", but since this is one of *their* ships, the structure should account for their reduced height;
2)Also in terms of proportion, that's an awfully wide deck for a sail-powered ship. Either narrow the deck, broaden the sails (and possibly add some evidence of rigging), or some combination of the two for a more plausible wind-powered craft.
3)This last one may be something I need to take up with Elizabeth rather than you, but here goes -- my sense of what happened in reading the scene was that Brelig repeatedly struck at the same eye. If that's a correct interpretation, his position in the deathfin's mouth needs to be shifted somewhat to the left to make the already-injured eye a viable target. OTOH, Elizabeth could simply add a word or two to indicate that Brelig's last blow was directed toward the "other" or "uninjured" eye of the monster.
Other than all of that , *love* the overall composition and use of perspective. You've done a great job of capturing Brelig's dwarvish proportions!
[From Elizabeth's "my_partner_doug" on LJ, who has no Dreamwidth account]
Yes...
For the third, yes, Brelig is supposed to be swinging at the same injured eye again. If you look closely, you'll see that he wouldn't be able to reach the other eye anyway, which is accurate given the respective sizes of warwailor and deathfin. So it needs to be the injured eye on the same side he's hanging from. I believe that tweaking his arm position slightly, to make it look like he's farther back in the deathfin's mouth, should fix this.
Re: If this gets to the next stage...
You're perfectly welcome to login via OpenID, or comment on LJ, if that's easier for you. Or keep commenting the way you did, if you don't mind signing your posts :) Either way, thanks for the feedback!
Re: If this gets to the next stage...
It's medium size: It doesn't need to be as fast as a small messenger nor as big as a cargo boat. It's a cruise ship, sort of historic style: not as huge and fancy as modern ones, but a nice ship with some private cabins and a lounge. So it needs both open deck space and rooming space. It needs to be versatile, and it's in water where they're not hurting for wind: It has a moderate amount of sail, 2 or 3 masts, probably with both square and lateen (triangular) sails. It carries tourists and will be attacked by monsters: It needs safety railings all around, which will be visible, and moderate weaponry (not all which need be visible). Also the waters around Farpoint town are shallow: they do need to mind their draft, so the ship won't ride as low in the water as some of the big ocean ships can.
This site gives a nice overview of ship types:
http://www.thepirateking.com/ships/ship_types.htm
Notice there's a lot of variety and not much standardization. As long as we don't make a big goof the results should be plausible. The closest ones were caravel, carrack, galleon (all related).
I'm leaning towards galleon: a sleek, elegant ship that can move briskly and defend itself. It has raised decking aft, and often fore (don't go too high there, it adds drag), good for cabin and recreational space for tourists.
Good line art of a medium galleon & other ships:
http://www.keyshistory.org/SS-Sp-Sail-ships.html
Excellent overhead view of a galleon, though it's narrower than a cruise ship would probably be; broaden the middle of this one slightly and it's a great reference:
http://img.brothersoft.com/screenshots/softimage/g/galleon_3d_screensaver-11823-1234427318.jpeg
The smaller of these is good too:
http://i84.photobucket.com/albums/k3/Wolfshanze/Games/GermGalleon1.png
This one is too big and the sails are all square, but it's the only photo I could find of a real galleon with her sails unfurled:
http://img2.allvoices.com/thumbs/event/609/480/64359885-spanish-galleon.jpg
These should give you an idea of the target range. Like I said, there's wiggle room in the design.
This cutaway shows the inside structure:
http://www.boundingmain.com/images/ships/galleon_sm1.gif
Re: If this gets to the next stage...
Re: If this gets to the next stage...
Re: If this gets to the next stage...
I think that
I've got your email address; I'll send you my rough draft of the deathfin entry. I don't think Ellen has had time to edit that one yet.